Month of Gratitude, Day 29: Clarke

I'm grateful for my husband, Clarke . . . to whom Bean Up The Nose Art owes a deep debt (literally, and figuratively) of gratitude.  Well, not really -- because with Clarke, there is never any debt.  He gives without expecting things back.  Which is something he is way better at than I am.

Here's Clarke on the phone with work.  On vacation.

As every one of our friends, family members and therapists knows, I HATE THAT!!!!  There has always been an enormous bone of contention, leading to a chip on my shoulder, related to what I perceive as  Clarke's "Prairie Home Companion"/midwestern/Norgwegian/suck-it-up-and-suffer (I'm being as very insensitively and inappropriately stereotypic here as possible) ethic that dictates that work -- paid work -- must always come first in life.   For Clarke.  He does not impose that on others.  But for him, that's the deal.

Which, as I've finally come to see it, has worked wonders for ME.

So, why have I complained for all these years?

If not for Clarke's stability, generosity and work ethic -- all of which infuse the household with funds, and which provide me tons of time and energy on my own -- would I ever have done any of these new things of the past decade of my life?  Ride horses?  Get a dog?  Travel on road trips? Become a collage artist and start Bean Up The Nose Art?  Have a dedicated writing practice?  I doubt it.  When we got married, I was simply going to be a lawyer.  The goal was to be lawyers together.  But Clarke kept working at his own law firm.  And I hated him for it.  And held it against him.  And kept up my half of a big old wedge between us.  And went about my business and made all manner of fun and productive decisions and commitments.  And changed my life.

I don't think this would have happened without Clarke -- without what he provides, and without what he denies.   Though we too often engage in "parallel play" -- what a marriage counselor once explained as operating in the same world around each other, instead of with each other -- we make a good team.  

Clarke is a runner extraordinaire.  The man is ten years older than me, and can run circles around -- and much faster than -- me.  Here he is, doing the first leg of the Maui relay in September.

At that relay, Clarke ran a total of 14 miles.  While the rest of us pikers, up to 30 years younger than Clarke, ran only from eight to ten.  He made up the difference for us.  On the hilliest legs of the run.  And totally beat all of our times.

Clarke is a long-suffering Cal football fan.  He began attending the Big Game in the 1970s, and has never missed one since.  Until earlier this month, he was a long-suffering San Francsico Giants fan, too.  (Blissfully, that particular suffering has ended!)  

He brings that same dedication to his work, to his sports training in running and in CrossFit, and to his family.

  

I am lucky to have found him.

Thank you, Clarke.  Though we have gone through some really hard spots, especially over this past year, I am and will always be profoundly grateful for everything you have given me through these -- now 16! -- years we've been together.  YOU ROCK!!!!